Adventures in P.Rose

I find my roles of wife and mother endlessly fascinating, beautiful and challenging.

Perhaps women are just wired to feel this way, in these roles, but I find myself repeatedly proclaiming this stage as my very favorite. I feel like, oh, NOW we’ve arrived. I hope this stage lasts.

It never does, of course. That’s not life.

But what I am genuinely surprised to discover is that the next stage unfailingly tops the previous. A year and a half ago Kyle and I were exchanging e-mails that made me get that tingly excited feeling and Aidan started Kindergarten at the school I was hoping he would get in to. Life seemed like it was all starting to finally come together the way I had hoped for.

Tonight I wrapped up a yoga class, came home for casual dinner and catch up with the boys, Aidan read me a couple of chapters out of his latest book for a bedtime story and Kyle serenaded us with guitar playing and singing.

I did it again. I thought: Yes, THIS. This is what I’ve always wanted. This is the stage I want to hold on to.

Just now am I starting to realize it is always greater than I could have imagined. And now all I hope is that I have the wisdom to recognize this stage will never last, and the true beauty often surfaces at unexpected times. I better soak up each moment with everything I have.

Kind of reminds me of how these gems from our spur of the moment Trash the Dress session stole my heart. 

I happen to like my cake and want to eat it, too.

As I settle into married life, a natural progression will be more kiddos. Kyle cannot wait to be a father to an infant, Aidan asks regularly if there’s a baby in my belly yet (there’s not!) and I break into a grin when I think about bringing another child into this world. It makes my heart tingle to think about Kyle getting to hold his brand new offspring, and Aidan will be quite the doting big brother.

Then there’s the mama. I’m a working mom. A fortunate one – my schedule is very flexible and affords me the opportunity to meet Aidan during the day for lunch, and I’ll be able to pick him up from school when he starts full-time next week. I feel good about learning and developing in my career while contributing to our family.

But there’s a part of me that wonders what it’s like to just be the mom. I’ve never had that chance.

The current arrangement has worked well for Aidan. He’s extremely well-adjusted socially, he’s bright, he’s active – and I attribute a portion of that to the fact he’s had care outside the home since he was three.

But I can honestly say one of the highlights of my weekend was teaching Aidan measuring techniques for different ingredients and explaining how 2 1/2 cups of flour is also 5 half cups, while making Almond Poppyseed muffins. I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if that was reality every day.

If I got up in the morning, and my only job was to be mom, how would I fare? Would I be fulfilled? Would I be good at it – organized, patient, equally as nurturing as I am now? Would I miss interacting with employees and continuing to build business knowledge? Would I take the opportunity to dive into activities I’m passionate about - things like writing and yoga and the outdoors and taking pictures – and perhaps create a completely different career path?

 I don’t know. I’m sure I’m not the only person out there with a similar internal struggle. And it’s certainly not a decision I need to make right now. It does occupy my thoughts though.

At any given time, do you think we can recreate ourselves if we want to? What has made you leap or held you back?