Sometimes I hear him, other times I do not. I go to roll over, only to find a wee little person snuggled in the crook of my arm. His limbs are tangled all over my body, neither of us having noticed until now. I know I should bring him back to his own bed, his big boy bed, his five-year-old bed. So I do. I do so a bit wistfully, knowing that some night will be the last night he has tried to sneak in, to reclaim some of that relaxation that comes with laying your head on your mama’s heart, on the beat that is forever comfort.
I’m quite certain he’s sleepwalking some of the time; when he wakes up in his own bed in the morning, he’ll occasionally swear he never tried to climb up in my bed. There’s just an innate desire to hold on to a particular stage, one that maybe isn’t always spoken of.
That’s parenting though. This tug in both directions, this juxtaposition of contrasting emotions. I’m excited he lost another tooth over the weekend, but cannot believe the gap in the bottom of his smile. The smile that will shine in his Kindergarten pictures, after he starts in just 21 days.
So we hold on. And I remind myself that there are mommies with cancer, and mothers with headstrong children the same age as mine who want nothing to do with them and amazing women who want to be a mom more than anything but haven’t had it happen for them yet. Even though my back still hurts from his sneaking in the last couple of nights, I am thankful. I am so, so thankful for a child who openly adores his mom and just wants to cozy her.
I miss these days. Kindergarten feels both like yesterday and yet, eons ago as I prepare to send mine off to college.
Patty, thank you so much for stopping by! That is the crazy thing about parenting–the stages seem both forever ago and so recent. It really is an incredible experience.
Once again, my life in your words.
Braden sneaks in all the time. Many mornings, I find him curled up at the foot of the opposite side of the bed. He’s figured it out; he knows that I will take him back to his room if he wakes me. So he joins me in my king-size-bed-for-one just out of my reach. And in the morning, I am secretly so pleased to find him there. <3
Love it. We really do have a connection with our experiences, I must say. We should start morning e-mails–I bet we dress similar without even knowing it!
i love this post. i was a single mom with my son Dakota= who i had at nineteen- for years, and i have some precious, make me cry memories from that time that involve simply cuddling in bed.
I appreciate you reading, maggie may! I feel like these close, loving times will be some of my most cherished memories from his childhood.
Love it.
Thanks!
Pen… Have you ever read the book “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury? If not, run (don’t walk) to the nearest Christian bookstore to get it! It’s a kid’s picture book, with such a powerful theme that it will blow you away. Can’t read it without crying. You simply must get it.
I love your blog (even though I’m an old married woman … a mommy’s heart, is a mommy’s heart). It’s hard to believe that we BOTH have kids going into Kindergarten! (Shouldn’t mine be graduating from college or something? I’m certainly old enough!
And I love you. Squeeze that little great nephew of mine!
I haven’t read that book, but it sounds like I definitely need to! I’ll check it out next time I’m at the bookstore.
Thank you so much for reading the blog and enjoying it! You are absolutely right–age does not matter, a mama’s heart will always be a mama’s heart. I’ll give him a squeeze from you!
OOO, I’ll have to get “Let Me Hold You Longer”! And Pen, these posts always melt my heart and get me so excited for Jack to grow up and for our mommy/son love to keep blossoming. Love it.
Awe, I’m glad they touch you. Mommy/son love is just so awesome. Can you imagine when they’re teenagers? What will it be like?!
Your posts always make my heart melt Pen. Even though I’m still wishing for a child of my own, I remember sneaking into my parent’s room at night when I was just a little girl as well. Good memories.
You’re such a wonderful Mom.
I know you know this already, but I really, truly yearn for you to have a babe. Thank you so much for all of your support. It means so much to me
Because it doesn’t bother me (as long as I’m already asleep), the girls were always welcome to come join me in bed if they woke up in the middle of the night. Slowly but surely, they stopped coming entirely on their own. Although, the night after they returned, Riley came and joined me, and I just had to smile!
Isn’t that funny? How sometimes as parents we push so hard for something…but when we just let them do it on their own time, they always figure it out? It will always warm my heart for him to want to be close to me.
What a beautiful post!
Thanks, Kim!
This is a lovely post because it holds so much love and truth. Thank you!
I love the simple, fairly universal truths of parenting. Holding onto stages is one of them
Thank you for reading!